Don't forget the exceedingly important step of getting tested for sexually-transmitted diseases--you and your husband should BOTH be tested. No sense not doing it, and it might save your life.
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Topics: romance relationships
How to get over a cheating partner
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Get tough! If you have him back, never, NEVER, feel like 2nd best again. Demand his full commitment and attention and if he strays again, get to a solicitor quick, before letting him know that you know. It is amazing just how much they change once the wife turns and fails to accept their behaviour. If you split protect yourself and your assets as best as you can, you may struggle in old age if you don't. Take no cr*p - ever!
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I hate to say it but if he's cheated before, sometime in your relationship, like during a rough patch, the possibility of using cheating as an escape will inevitably occur to him. It's up to you to decide whether you think he cares about you enough to dismiss that possibility, no matter how tempting he finds it. Personally, I think that it would drive me crazy but you have to decide whether worrying about that is worth it to you.
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Well, for those who want to try to stick it out in their marriage (and I am one of them....never thought I would, but here I am!), take it day by day. Don't put any expectations on your relationship and give yourself as much time as you need to mourn the relationship and marriage you thought you had. Don't let anyone put a timetable on your grief, and don't feel badly no matter how you feel. Be true to your feelings, talk to your husband about them, and realize that times will suck and times will be great, and you are attempting to salvage a relationship you think is worth salvaging. And if you do decide, down the line, that you can't do it, you will know that you gave it your all. Everyone is different, so just do what is true to who you are.
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Whether you stick it out or send the bum packing, my advice is to get a therapist. This is a highly charged issue and it is practically impossible to be objective. Don't allow it to be an excuse that your spouse won't go to a therapist, you go anyway. You will gain insight that you never would otherwise and whether the relationship survives or not, you will still come out a stronger person for having done it.
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The most important thing is to keep yourself busy! Take up new hobbies, spend time with your family and friends, get out and make new friends - ones that don't remind you of him, even try casual dating. To help you remember the BAD things instead of constantly dwelling on all the little wonderful things about him you'll miss, make a list of all his bad habits, and how his abhorrent behavior made you feel. Then, make a list of all the things your want and DESERVE in a mate, how you feel when someone is not treating you like garbage, and how you think will feel when you're in that great relationship. When you're feeling blue, take a read through those lists. You'll put that louse behind you so quickly you'll soon forget his name.
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There are 2 solutions for this question. First, leave him cold turkey. Get all of your belongings. Get everything you own. Close joint accounts. And leave. Have a support group ready to help you. Or you can plan your move slowly. Bit by bit prepare yourself to leave. This is the nondrastic approach. This will ready your mind for the day you do leave. Take only what you need and walk away. Talk to your friends or a counselor and move on. Go to school or do something different to get your mind off of things. Before you know it a year has gone by and things will be clearer for you.
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Dump him, preferably after he's treated you to a new wardrobe and expensive spa weekend out of guilt. He's cheated once, he'll do it again. Or you will always have doubts when he goes out or works late, and that's no way to live. Stop wasting precious time on him while there are real gents out there, or at least live the single life with your dignity and self respect intact. If you do decide to give him a second chance, seriously consider couples counselling - he will have guilt issues, you will have a broken heart. But when he does cheat again, don't say I didn't warn you.
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Get over husband & kick him to the curb OR keep husband & get over the fact that he had an affair? Very different. If #1, talk to divorce attorney (she'll help you protect yourself re: asset distribution/child custody); change will, insurnace policie; open new safety deposit box; THEN tell him you're divorcing. Next, take a nice vacation, flirt wildly & think how funny this will be in 5 yrs. #2 is more difficult. Good friends (who do not gossip & won't judge you/him too harshly), a therapist, possibily an antidepressent & much work by you & husband; the rest is just time... to rebuild trust; to reestablish intimacy, to reassess what you want in a marriage. Revenge against the other women often leads to more problems; focus on the husband (but feel free to utter voodoo curses on her under your breath).
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All break ups are difficult although some do seem harder to shift than others. Many say the best way is to meet somebody else, but what if you don't want to? I experienced a particularly traumatic break up 5 years ago and could not move on in my head at all. In fact, it took up my brain space at work, at play, in bed, in the gym. Although people say make yourself busy there is one thing you can't run away from and that is your own mind! I visited a counsellor, cried myself to sleep for 6 months (yes, although during the day nobody would know!), had to take sleeping pills, etc but eventually started to heal. Not it is a memory but an unpleasant one I will never forget.
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You need to both work on the trust together to make any relationship work well. Good luck.
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Linking to what RAC already said, you have to prepare yourself to take as much time as you need over this. Unfortunately, it isnt generally something that will be solved in your head straight away. Look after yourself, take time off or out if things get stuck in your head and accept all thoughts, good and bad, and let them drain away from you. Be prepared to take however you feel on board and dont fight any angst!! And then, you'll have a clear head and the answer will be crystal clear to you. All the best with it x
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There are 2 choices to make either accept he has strayed and accept he may and probably will do again in the future no matter how much he promises he won't. Do not accept it and move on, learn to love yourself again go back to college, a night class is good. Make new friends and start going out again. Men do and will always stray they have done since the beginning of time.
