a lot will happen in the next 11 years. i did the same thing to my mum when i was younger and now i have grown up, realised she was a much better parent.
dont hold this against her as a break up seriously affects children and at her age she doesnt know what she is saying and cant fully understand the situation properly
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Topics: life
How to respond to a five year old daughter who said when she's 16, she wants to live with her dad. This, after I've sold everything to afford custody of her after he falsely accused me of abusing her
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Your daughter is only five so I wouldn't be hurt or offended by the fact she wants to live with her father. Alot will change in the next 11 years and she may decide she doesn't want to live with him at all, and would rather stay with you, or move in with friends. Next time she brings up that she wants to live with her father, don't be discouraging and turn her against it, treat it as an interesting subject. "Oh, you do? Great, why's that?" Make sure you don't make any negative comments about her dad as it'll make you look worse, not him. Just make her understand you love her very much and love her living with you. Don't respond with anger or even dissapointment, because it'll drive her further away.
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You have been through a lot but she cannot possibly understand it all. You must be SO angry with her father and you must have spent a lot of time being scared too. It isn't fair or realistic though to expect her to be grateful. She's only five - she has no concept of what you have been through and that is for the best. It's not appropriate for her to know. All she knows is her world has been turned upside down. She's testing you; testing the boundaries of your love. She probably doesn't feel very safe - she needs to know that whatever she says or does, you'll love her. You can love her out of this behaviour. Don't project any of your bad feelings about her father onto her.
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While I'm sure this hurts you deeply and you should have a nice big glass of wine (or some other relaxing thing, a long bath or bif piece of chocolate maybe), just remember that she's only five. She probably still believes in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.
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You must let go of your animosity of her father. Do not make him out to be a villain (even if he is) ever again. Think only of the positive traits he has - he must have some since you made a child with him. A child's self esteem is tied to the image they have of their parents. Trashing him is like trashing her. In her 5 yr old way, she is likely grieving the loss of her father as an everyday person in her life. I think what she said is her way of telling you she loves him. Honor that.
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My ex and I are very good friends. We go round each other's houses, take our son out together, spend Christmas together. Our son has always had contact with his Dad and has had 3 years of us still being a family, despite us living apart. He has moments where he cries for Daddy and his father tells me he has moments where he cries for me. I've never talked his Dad down in front of him and we've maintained a friendship. Despite this our son struggles with us being apart. Your daughter has no conscious thought other than that she misses her Dad. Although it may be going against every fibre in your being you have to encourage a relationship between them and never say a bad word against him in front of her. Leave your griping for when you are with your friends.
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Whatever he has done try and bite your tongue, kids never thank you for criticising either of their parents. Tell her how much you loves her and hopefully she'll forget this phase soon
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dont blame her. she doesnt understand. dont forget your the one she has seen upset by her daddy and that creates negative feelings she has never seen daddy upset and you are the one who deals with her day in day out. family break up is hard, my dad accused my mum off all sorts and my sister wants to live with him because she doesnt realise that when my mum tells her off its for her own good not because shes some witch!!just be the best mum you can be, im a better person for not having my dad around and i was old enough to understand what was going on...your daughter isnt. best of luck xxx
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Don't worry about it! When I was younger and my mum had pulled me up over something I said I wanted to run away and go to live with my Grandad! I never did!!
