You can't make someone think or feel a certain way. Only he could see the potential himself and if he isn't seeing then there's not a great deal you can do about it
You've some options. Mooching around, getting hung up etc.
The one I prefer is to bow out swinging with style and aplomb and off into the sunset.
In the eternal words of U2:
'Walk On, Walk On Waaaaaaalk On'
Real life advice from real women
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Topics: break ups relationships
How to get back with your ex
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"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" Albert Einstein once said, or in other words "stop going back to your ex if he keeps letting you down!"
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Write down as many bad things about your ex as possible, these can range from how badly he treated you to his weird bathroom habits or addiction to sports - but the more, the merrier. Then take another sheet of paper and write down all your good qualities. This is a great thing to do with a girlfriend or family member you're really close to. Let them encourage you to identify all those good points you aren't even aware of! Then sit back and compare the two lists. Who looks like the better package for a new relationship, you or him?
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Ask your best mates and siblings - brothers are particularly good. You'll always be biased when thinking about your ex- your bias may swing between really positive and really negative - but your friends will have a better perspective. The truth could be brutal, but will see you in good stead in the end. Worked for me - 2 brothers helped my really see how horrid my ex really was. I was blinded by blue eyes.....
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If he's already said no, then you have to respect his wishes and let him get on with his life. Unfortunately your ex doesn't want to go back and this could be that he is afraid he might get burnt by you again. If there isn't a child involved I could suggest laying your heart on the line and going for it, but this wouldn't be fair on your child. They wouldn't need to be confused anymore as to whether her mum and dad are together or not. Just try and remain good friends - and remember your priority is your daughter. If you can keep it friendly then there might be a chance in time that he may come round to giving you another chance.
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Why did you break up in the first place? Do you see this recurring? Also, why do you want to get back to you ex? Figure out what your motivation is - it could be that you got used to a routine with him or you're feeling lonely right now. Make sure that your reasons will hold up to close scrutiny before making the decision.
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Could you engineer an occasion when you would both be there - or just happen to be at the same place as him one evening. Casually chat, perhaps suggest meeting on neutral ground for a coffee or something. See where you go from there. Keep it innocent and light but make it clear that you still have strong feelings for him (PLEASE make sure that you really do want to get back together with him before you do anything). If its what you both want then go for it and good luck.
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If he thinks it won't work out, your answer is that you shouldn't bother trying to get him back. Chalk it up to a life experience (albeit a painful one) and try to move on. The best way to do this is: 1) Take care of yourself--eat well, get enough sleep, and exercise. Treat yourself to a little bit of chocolate now and again, or whatever special treat brings you pleasure. 2) Visit with friends on the phone or in person to boost your morale. 3) KEEP BUSY with work or hobbies. 4) Remind yourself that as painful as it is, it's HIS LOSS.
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Be completely honest with him about everything, including your feelings..if you love him, tell him. If he loves you truly he should find it in his heart to give you another chance..if not, it wasn't meant to be.
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Just be open and honest with him about how you feel and what you can see. If he has any feelings for you, then suggest seeing eachother again. If he says no he's either a filthy man slag or just a plain liar/loser. Or you can just tell him that the potentional is there if he looks deep enough.
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first you should show him what he's missing. let him a period of time in which he can think about all that happened between you two and if this doesn't happen, you make it happen! try to look as good as you can,feel sexy (wear a skirt if you usually don't and it fits you) , smile, interact with people around him.. be confident, use all your "hidden weapons" and make him start falling in love with you again. if he doesn't react in one way or another , then go and talk to him :) . nothing can make the situation worse than it is now.
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Erase every memory of him. Phone number email or random girfts. You do not want to think of him at all! If you see him make small talk but forget him!!! Meet a new guy and move on
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It depends if you hurt him and how badly. Some hurt will never really go away. Can you be sure that you'll never hurt him like this again?! You need to be honest with yourself. I think the best thing to do overall is to give the person a bit of space. Let him know that you love him so much but realise how hurt he must feel and that you understand that he may need some time to just be by himself and think about things. Perhaps show him reminders of the good times you had in your relationship. If you have hurt him and he is refusing to speak to you, perhaps write him a letter. This way you can take the time in writing down your feelings clearly and he can take his time to read and absorb them.
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You need to feel that you don't need him, you need to feel more independent. Get out with your friends, do something different that involves meeting new people like gym or other hobbies. If you already are in a gym or in another activity, change your schedule.
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I've tried getting back with someone I hurt and they will never get over it. It will constantly come up no matter how sorry you are and say you are. But if you are determined then start off really really slow maybe just saying hi then talking then being friends...pretty much start all over again and hopefully regain some trust. Not likely but there is a chance!
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There is a reason hes your ex not your current, simple as!! Just remind yourself of whatever it is that went wrong everytime you get tempted and just think could you possibly go through that again. Also get out there and have fun as a single girl, you'll prob enjoy yourself so much you might not wanna go back.
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You need to make a clean break once and for all. At the moment you both break up in the knowledge that it's not for good and days, weeks, months down the line you will inevitably get back together again. After nine years you should know by now that if it was going to work out it would have done by now. You need to call it a day and remove this guy from your life so there's no temptation to crawl back to him. Delete his number and don't return his calls etc. Get your girls to keep you busy. It will be hard to do but worth it in the long run. Good luckx
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If he really does have feelings for you, but needs space, give him some space. Perhaps send him a letter saying that you still care for him but will respect his desire for space, and then get on with living, and let him have his space. If he really does care about you then the time out will make him realise how much he misses you, and if it was just an excuse then the space will give you a bit of time to start to get over him.
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I find never mix the old with the new. The only way you get back with your ex is if you still in contact, and both single. I remember my ex contacted me once, and it was awkward sitting down talking to him while with my new boyfriend. Of course me and my new boyfriend argued as he felt uncomfortable, same way I did when his ex wife started contacting him. Think about your ex, but also think why you two broke up, if you broke up because one of the two of you cheated, couldnt trust, violent, drink obsessed, etc. why get back with him? I wouldnt want my ex back as he was violent, and I dont think he has had a la'botomy since then!
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What is in the past let it be history. Even if you do really want to get back with him, ask yourself the whys, whats, what if etc.Try and recall what led to a breakup and do better in the next relationship, and move on from the history, but don't commit the same mistake, but learn from it.
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You can't make someone love you, no matter how hard you try. Quite frankly why should you? If one guy can't see how great you are why waste the effort when there's plenty round the corner. Your ex's loss is another guys gain.
