Writing is a great thing to do - a genuine, heartfelt letter. And it's a lovely idea to write again a few months later, as suggested. Listening is another, ask how they are coping, call occasionally to show you're thinking of them (but don't pester). How often you make contact will depend on how close the friend is. Another important thing to remember is to not be scared to mention the person who has died. My best friend lost her mother a few years ago and she said she finds it hard being around people who avoid talking about her. Occasionally, on mothers day or something like that, I make sure I say something like "I bet you really miss your mum at times like these" and she really appreciates this.

Having been bereaved I know how important it is that friends remember and mark special dates in some way - whether by phoning or sending a card just to say they remember and are thinking of us. It really does help us through difficult times. The first anniversary of the death, first birthday and first Christmas after the death are honestly the worst. Try to take your friend out, anywhere, on the special days just to acknowledge the date and to keep them occupied, temporarily. Please don't be afraid of talking about the dead person, if your friend wants to and keep plenty of tissues handy!!

Try to do whatever your friend needs. This is often a guessing game based on how he/she grieves. Some people want to be left alone but checked in on every now and then while other people need a lot of distractions like a long lunch or a movie. Ask him/her what you need to do to help and just follow through.

I write at the time of the death - but I also put a note in my diary, 6 months ahead, to prompt me to write a follow-up note or touch base with a phone call then. Often people think that 6 months down the line life is back to normal and that the worst of the grieving is over. But it really isn't. Someone did this for me when my sister died - and I have made a point of doing the same ever since.

Thank you for sharing all of these thoughts and feelings. I will add this... when my Step Mother lost her son one of the saddest reactions was no reaction. In that because people didn't know what to say or how to respond, they avoided her. What I learned from that is this: there's nothing wrong with admitting you don't know what to say or do. "Being there" for someone is huge and appreciated. There are no rules as to the words... you can even admit to not knowing what to say or do. You can ask what they need. And BE THERE for the one grieving. And not only for that moment. Bereaving can, sadly, last a life time... so, yes, holiday times and remembered bdays, etc. are difficult. If you can be there EVEN more for them during these times always, it will surely be appreciated.