My mother sat me down one time and told me she would always be there for me, no mather what. She would rather hear from me if I do drugs (or wathever) and help me out, than for me to deal alone with problems.
And she acts like that. She hears me out, is one my side, helps me to find solutions. That's why I trust her.
Real life advice from real women
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Topics: parenting teenagers communication
How to get your teenager to communicate
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Go for a ride in a car, just the two of you. If you are sitting shoulder to shoulder and you are not making eye contact, its very easy for the kids to open up. Also, talk to him like an adult. Don't be judgemental. I work with teenagers and I get them to spill their guts fast, because they know that I'll listen without judging. Also, tell them about thing you did when you were younger, and not just the good two shoes stuff, but the things that were fun at the time but turned out to be a bad idea. And don't lie about things like drugs. Just tell them it was a different time and you didn't have all the information you needed to make the best choice. Teenagers respect honesty and vunerability.
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Talk to your teenagers while you’re apparently absorbed in something else (cooking, ironing, sewing). You’ll get more information without eye contact.
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If the teenager is a boy, feed him. If the teenager is a girl, take her shopping. :-) No matter the sex of your teenager, make sure you have dinner together as a family as often as possible. Cooking, eating and cleaning up together naturally makes the perfect climate for conversaton.
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Don't irritate them. by prying into their lives, you're causing them to not want to open up to you. If you hang onto their every word, they get suspicious about what you're doing with the information and don't want to confide in you. whatever you do, don't nag them, and don't punish them without hearing the full story. Do'nt ever, ever pick on your child. being a teenager is hard enough without your criticism.Also, recognize that growing up now is not the same as when you were growing up and respect these differences. dont violate your teens privacy or betray their secrecy. as long as you remain truly open minded, and don't do anything rash, they should communicate. treat them to something special. Realize that they might not be able to tell you everything, and respect their confidentiality.
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Try reading newspaper advice columns out loud over meals (esp. weekend breakfasts/ lunches). Read any question, not just ones that affect teenagers. I'd say something like, "listen to this person's problem," read the letter, and my kids would invariably pipe up with their own solutions & insights. We'd then compare with what the columnist's response. This has opened up great discussions -- funny, touching, practical -- and has helped my kids become better problem solvers and more empathetic people.
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Teenagers dont like to be treated like children enroll more trust in them get them to help you with fun stuff around the house,because the more things you do together the closer you will become and thats when they ill start talking to you and telling you want they have been up to.
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Let them moan to you. If they're stressed about a teacher, don't stick up for the teacher! There is nothing more irritating! Show them you're on their side even if you don't really agree with them. Be supportive and this will encourage them to open up to you more often.
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tell them you will do somthing they like if they tell you, or tell them you will make them leave
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I agree that spending time as a family even if it is only the occasional meal together really helps and gives everyone involved a chance to voice their opinions but you must also try and stay calm if you hear something you don't like cause shouting gets you no where and talking and explaining calmly that something is bad.. If you hit a brick wall wait till all have calmed down and try again later.
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I am practically a teenager I am 21 but I know what it is like when I was the ages of 12-17/when I still lived with my parents....I hated it when my mom asked me questions the night of the date.. I go to a dance club then she would ask stuff such as did you kiss anyone ???and I would get upset because it was a complete and total invasion of privacy and I would not answer so parents (I am one now but they are not teenagers lol) be careful of your timing if you want to know what is up if they are currently in a relationship for example .....then just start a casual conversation they might even open up without you even asking the question if you are calm and collective about it.
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There are some great answers to this question! The only thing I can add is that eating out, one to one (McDonalds/Cafe Nero), always worked for us.
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Offer to drive them when they are going out - its amazing how much you can find out from "idle chat" in the car!
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Be blunt. tell them you need to talk. Don't sugercoat anything, me and my mother are blunt about everything and we're so close!
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teenagers are young adults and need to be treated with respect.we have to understand they are going through a rough part of life.some parents ground their kids but it does not work,i used to think 'im not bothered'.listen to them,dont jump down their throughts other wise it ends in a shouting match
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The fear of being told 'I told you so' is a powerful deterrent in confiding in your parents so let them make their mistakes and always be the one there to help pick up the pieces.
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take them out for lunch or coffee and just talk about anything before you ask what is up, if you keep things light they will open up, when they do, don't make a big deal out of anything they say, even if it does shock you there and then, just shrug and go onto something else and then go back to it awhile later and they will open up more.
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Don't make it seem obvious that you want to talk to them. Do an activity together eg, cooking or shopping and casually slip it into the conversation. If they see you coming in head on for a full blown motherly chat they'll block you out with blunt answers and make a run for it.
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I'm 15 and I absolutely hate when my mum tries to gossip with me - it's so cringey!! Parents shouldn't try to be their teenager's best friend. Instead, it's best when mum says something like "how's school/work/exams/drama goin?". Being a bit specific makes it easier for me to open up, rather than just say "im fine." Just don't ask questions that parents naturally shouldn't know the answer to, like "did you kiss him then?" - that's just embarassing and nosy and it will make it harder for your teen to talk to you in the future. If a teenager isn't telling you something in particular, don't worry. They're probably sorting out whatever it is with their friends. They'll come to you when they need to. Good luck. =)
