A hand written note on a paper set goes down well... as does an acceptance card if your stuck for words. The most important reply is for the formal wedding invitation, if you get an acceptance card then just add a short letter inside in regards to the lunch... in the way Padma describes. And don't sign it!! xx
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The most formal way to reply is in writing (by hand), in the third person. EG: "Miss Xxx Xxxx thanks Mr and Mrs Xxx Xxx for their kind invitation to Mary and John's wedding on the 3rd April and lunch on the 4th April, and takes great pleasure in accepting / very sadly has to decline due to a previous commitment." You then don't sign it.
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